As I approach my 8th transplant anniversary this December I have had times in my life to ask myself these three burning questions. Why is my life important? Why didn't I die 8 years ago...why was my life given back to me...and when I have to face it again, will I be ready to join the afterlife?
Death is a complicated, scary and a beautiful thing. Death is complicated because I was there...staring at the veil between this life and the next and it's there that I found peace and all my pain and fear was gone...but my family was unable to feel that. I couldn't possibly help them understand. It's scary to look at you're family and know they'll miss you and thier hearts will have an empty space that you once filled. For me I have felt the love and comfort the afterlife has to offer. It's a beautiful feeling..no pain, no worry, zero sadness...just joy and love surrounded me.
Before my transplant every breath I took felt like I was breathing shards of glass it was painful to force my lungs to struggle to take a single weak breath of air. My body was a prison for my soul at that point I could no longer bear the burden in which I had promised God I would carry until I could not carry it any longer. I knew the moment I was too weak and gave it over to the Lord & at that moment it was taken from me and I was overwhelmed and consumed with painless warmth and my fears were calmed...I experienced pure peace emotionally & physical peace. I didn't want to be put back into my worn out broken body. It was ravished with disease and without it my spirit felt for the first time excitement for what lied next.
It wasn't my time to go home...my body was repaired with new parts donated through a pure love from another Human Being who didn't know me. A selfless gift of life...of love. I woke up days later grateful for my gift...but honestly I was okay with whatever GOD had prepared for me.
8 years later I'm still breathing with my donors gift of her lungs...every day I'm reminded of MY miracle. It never loses the sacredness I hold it to. I was given a choice to return home to my heavenly family or stay here with my earthly family...there's no right or wrong answer...there's only my answer. I hope for many more years with my husband & family but when my years come to an end...know I have no regrets.